Flowered Diary- Entry #32

Note: Family story. Michelle, Sheri, Sharon, Casey are cousins

WA wasn't that bad actually. It was fun for the most part. On Saturday we did nothing interesting. Just went to Target. On Sunday we had Easter Sunday at Michelle's. It was cool. I got a beanie, but I already had that one. On Monday we went to Lunch with Sheri. On Tuesday we went to a town called Leavensworth. It was a little German influenced town on the other side of the Cascade Mountains. Then we went to Ellensburg to visit Sharon and her boyfriend. We had dinner at this cute little diner place. But the weirdest thing happened. We were like the first people in for the dinner rush, but we were like some of the last people served! And! they were out of the special! At like 5 o'clock! Isn't that the weirdest thing? Then on Wednesday I went on a trip with Michelle at her work. She works at a retirement village place. It was cool We had fish and chips and it looked disgusting, the chips I mean. The way they were fried! Gross! Mom and Brian went to Seattle that day. On Thursday I went to the Mall with Sheri and Sharon. Mom went to Costco with Aunt Beth and Brian went golfing. Everybody was out of the house, but Brian didn't have a key! So he was locked out of the house for 2 hours. I believe he said. The mall was pretty cool. We went to Nordy's, the Bon (I think it's a West coast name for Macy's) and some other cool stores. No clothes fit, surprise, surprise! ut I got a really nice lipstick from Victoria's Secret. Sheri got some really pretty necklaces for the bridesmaids' gifts. I almost got one myself! On Friday, we did nothing but cook, cook, cook, for the wedding. Aunt Beth and Michelle weren't going to have any hot dishes because they didn't know how to use the oven at the lodge where Sheri was getting married. So Brian made potato latkes, lasagna roll ups-tomato, Alfredo, and pesto sauces, mushroom stroganoff, black bean salad, and I think that's it. Wait! Lemon chicken and also Swedish meatballs. Then there was: ham, cheese, turkey, salad, dip, veggies, strawberries (around the ice sculpture) and lot of other stuff! That was Friday. On Saturday we finished up stuff for the wedding. Mom and I went to Target. I got a set of really cool toe rings. I let Rachel borrow one and she lot is at the end of the wedding. And I asked for it like 3 times before she lost it. What ever. Ok. This is so weird! Ok. Normally you have a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, or a dinner, well Sheri's future in-law's had a dinner that night at a pizzeria. Some pizzerias are nice, but this was like a Pizza Hut, except less classier. I had to wait like 45 mins for cheese! Cheese! It's common sense to have cheese! It was so weird. And boring! Mike (Michelle's son) brought a movie and his N64. Bright kid. It didn't end soon enough. Ahhhh Sunday. "You wake up in the morning and whatdya say? Yippee ay yay it's Sheri's weddin' day!" Michelle sang that toe everyone when they woke up in the morning. We were at the wedding hall at 10:00. I helped unload the cars and after, I worked with Casey's wife to work on the flower arrangements. They were nice. Sheri's husband's family showed up at a quarter to 11 all fressed up in dresses and tuxes! I was outraged! Of course I didn't say anything. Although his mom was there real early and helped the most out of the entire famil. The wedding was odd, but ok. Slept all day Monday.

Flowered Diary- Entry #31

Adventure time! Yeah right! I'm stuck in the airport on my way to Seattle. Ok. Now about my play. I was fantastic! Everyone saw I was better than Mary. It was so much fun! On Saturday I was late for scene 13 and Mary gave me a look that could have froze Hell! I could have killed her! As soon as the curtain closed after our bows, I started crying. I can take French and Spanish next year. I'm so happy! And my mom said I could invite Amy to Europe this summer! It would be so awesome if she could go! We're both so excited. I really hope she can go! More later. Long night ahead!!!

Flowered Diary- Entry #30

Happy St. Patrick's Day!
We had a field test for the GEPAs. It was on visual and performaning arts. It was so easy!! Well for me anyway. Well, I have great news! Adam is coming for dinner tonight! Without his sister too! Well Later!

Flowered Diary- Entry #29

My life is so depressing. I miss Natalie so much. I loved her. But not in a gay way. In a best friend/sister kind of way. It just makes me so sad when I think how I'll never write her a note again, or how she'll never sleep-over again, how we'll never visit at our houses again, or how we'll never talk again, I'm gonna cry now. I'm teary so far. Well night for now.

Flowered Diary- Entry #28

I'm not suicidal anymore. I guess it was just a bad day. I'm gonna be a fashion designer now. It's my job of the week. My clothes'll be -----(my last name). In that print with the accent. Oh well. I really want to change. I have to clear my thoughts and emotions. No, I have to release them. I have to cry, dance, mope, sing. I have to do everything I feel and then start over with no feelings, emotions, decision, or anything. I'll do everything I need to do to get friends and be happy. I want to cry because I'm unhappy. I miss Natalie, and because my life is the total opposite of how I want it to be. It's basically everything I don't want it to be. The only friends I have are Adam and Julie. But quite frankly, I don't count them. Julie and I have totally separated, Adam and I, well, what can I say, we aren't exactly "close." Like friends should be. I'm gonna see if I can cry now. It's always good to have a good cry here and there when you're unhappy. Well, good night for now.

Flowered Diary- Entry #27

Ok. Yep, I'm suicidal. Mrs. DeGrazy is putting my song in the play. It'll be nice if I'm around for the performance. I think I'm gonna do it on Sunday, when no one's home. Natalie says I have a lot going for me. I can't think of a thing.

Flowered Diary- Entry #26

31 Days until my b-day! Yay! I got a new haircut last night. I had like 6 in. cut off. But it looks kind of bad. But, I hope it grows really fast. I only had like 2 complements today so far. L.A. was pretty easy. It's so warm It's like May! Mr. Posts's class went out for recess and they cut across the parking lot and didn't make a lot of noise. It was really nice not to have the recess disturbance. Well, Later!

Flowered Diary- Entry #25

Part 1 of the Math sectio is over. God! Those open-ended questions were hard! I couldn't even answer the first oe! I wonder if I could see Adam on Sunday. I'm going shoppig at the mall with Sally on Saturday!

Wow! The second one was much easier. I'm so tired. I started my Home Ec. project. I made the sofa. I have to figure out what I'm gonna do for the legs of the sofa and chair. I'm sure I'll figure something out. But my sofa looks awesome! I have a nice yellow fabric. My accent pillows are red monkeys. But the monkeys aren't obvious. Later.

Part 4 was the easiest! Ok. But it would be really nice if Adam could come over on Sunday. I'll ask my mom. Brian's going on his annual golf trip. See ya! When Brian leaves, I normally sleep with Mommy. I feel like I'm dreaming. Like I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna be like 40 or something. It's so strange. Wait. Let me pinch myself. That hurt! I don't think I'm dreaming. Later!

Flowered Diary- Entry #24

Back, James is such an asshole! Ok. Now I think I'm suicidal. I'd rather be dead than live. I'm o a diet again. It'll never work. I do't believe in hell, but I hope James burns there. He is such an arrogant, obnoxious prick. And if he asks again why he's in my diary, I'll tell him exactly. I just wish I was dead. Or, maybe I could live somewhere else. I'd love to live in Japan. I wouldn't mind living with Jack and Avah. It would be really cool actually. They're really fun to be with. I could go to a Japanese-American school where I wouldn't have to be fluent in Japanese. Later.

Flowered Diary- Entry #23

Oh my God!!! I hate the GEPA's! Well, at least one day is over. There are all these questios about tides and moons. We never learned that stuff! It's awful. For some odd reaso I can't wait until the L.A. parts. I sort of like to write now. I feel really well prepared for the L.A. part. Thank you Mrs. Taylor! I'll bet Mrs. Marshall hasn't done any good GEPA preparation. I heard Mrs. Andrews has cancer. Well, any hoot she's out and Mrs. Marshal is in her place. I hate that woman. Enough about her. Play is going well. I hope Mrs. Degrazy puts those songs in. If Mr. Degrazy has anything to do with it, I think she will. Oh please! Please let her put them in! Well, I'm gonna go for now!

Flowered Diary- Entry #22

I just took the Anne Frank test. I failed it. I didn't know any of the stuff. In home ec. we're making shadow boxes of a room we design. I'm going to do it of my ideal living room. With the same furniture. Later. Period's almost over.

Flowered Diary- Entry #21

Back, Sarah said I should join swim team next year. I don't know. Only if I loose weight. I don't understand why everybody hates her. She's real nice. Oh well. I'll think about it.

Flowered Diary- Entry #20

It's basically just days until the GEPA test. I don't understand why we have to take it. We'll go to high school into any class no matter how we do on it. Oh well. After play practice I'm gonna do my tae- bo. It's for exercise. I was gonna do it this morning, but I was so tired. Well, Later.

Flowered Diary- Enclosed Letter

Written to Natalie 2/26/00

i want you to know that even though we aren't friends and you hate me i consider you my confidant. you know the real me, and you're the only one who knows the real me. i'm trying to change and i see that it's a slow, slow process. you might have noticed that i'm trying to be very nice to you. like on the bus and in home ec. when i was making small talk. that's my way of being nice.

i'm not suicidal. but if i ever am, u just might be the first to know. i don't want to put any pressure o you, but for some really odd reason i feel i can trust you.

i'm really honestly sorry for everything i ever said to hurt you. if i was a good friend i wouldn't have said anything. if i had known then what i know now, i would have been a better friend. i'm sorry i wasn't a better friend.

i don't mean to brag. i don't actually thing i'm better than most people. and i know i'm not better than most people.

i always come off as nice but i have a fear of being taken advantage of and i'm afraid if i give i too much i'll look like a push-over and people will take advantage of me. i don't know how to get rid of that feeling. if i got rid of it, i would be able to change more easily.

i want to be a better person. i want to have more than one friend. i need to be a better person. for me. i think if i knew i was a better person, i could be happier. because i don't like myself as a bad person. and don't try to tell me otherwise.

i also want to thank you for everything you have ever done for me. i may have not appreciated it before, but i do now. like when you helped me clean my room. i don't know a lot of people that would have done that. and recently telling me what i should change so people don't hate me. but most important i want to thank you for being my friend. you have shown me so much on how to be a better friend and person. you're dedicated, honest, respectful, cheerful, nice...
that's like everything i'm not.

my mom says that if i give love to the world they'll want to love me back. i hope she's right.

i think i'm putting my trust into you because i want you to like me more than anyone else in the world. i don't mean for us to be friends, i just want you to like me.

i know we'll never be friends again. i wish we could, but i know it'll never happen. it would take a miracle for us to be friends, and since i don't believe in god, that won't be happening anytime soon.

well, i'm going to end here. good night!
lylas,
-a

Flowered Diary- Entry #19

Mom and Brian got me the Guys and Dolls soundtrack. I love it. I've enclosed a letter I've writte to Natalie. 6 months since I considered Natalie and I friends. I want to cry, but it isn't coming out. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna start being dedicated. Starting with my diet. "I, Avah, am going to exercise and diet Every single day until I reach my goal of 125 lbs." And let no one stand in my way! Next dedication is school work. Ok. I'm going to make a list of this years goals:
1. Get thin
2. Do well in school
3. Make friends
4. Be happy (get better)
5. Keep room clean
6. Finish painting my room
7. Complete all of my goals.

Good night for now.

Flowered Diary- Entry #18

Had play practice today. I don't see how we get it all done in about 2 months. Well, later.

Flowered Diary- Entry #17

Man that guy was weird! I slept til 2 PM!! It's my new record. All cause he kept me up. Eww. He just screams child molester. Enough about him. Nikki [my dog] is so cute! I love her! Do I actually have nothing to write about? I think so. Who Wants to Be a Millionare. Biggest game show of 1999 & 2000. I really don't have anything to say. So good night!

Flowered Diary- Entry #16

I just talked to this old guy for 3 hours. I think he's a child molester or something. Cause he was asking me all these personal questions and asking if he could see me. He's ugly too. I'm trying to be nice to Natalie and stuff. I sent her the picture of us from the summer. I really, really miss her. I'll never get to be friends with her again. I like when we have our long talks every few months. It makes me feel like we're sorta friends again. But just for an hour. Oh my God! It's 4AM! Geez that guy can talk (type)! I'm writing Natalie a very meaningful letter that I'm gonna e-mail her when(if) I'm done. I miss Adam. I wanna see him again. I love him so much! I wish I could ask him out. Oh well. I'll just keep dropping obvious hints to show I like him. It ould work. Hopefully he'll eventually develop feelings for me. Well, Later.