Flowered Diary- Entry #15

Ended the conversatio with her at 1 (am). I asked her to help me change so people wouldn't hate me. I'm gonna change. Starting Monday. It'll be a whole new me. I'll prove to Natalie I can change. In more ways than one. How do you like this- "two choices appeared in my life, i will take the one never traveled by and that will make all the difference." I changed it a bit from Frost's original. Well I'm tired. Later!

Flowered Diary- Entry #14

No school today! Yeah!!

Back to what I was talking about yesterday. I'm having a wonderful conversation with Natalie. But they're so rare that I enjoy most onversations with her.

Flowered Diary- Entry #13

So far I'm way into not wanting to live but no where near wanting to die. Maybe I should take the medicine and do stuff at Mel's [my therapist at the time]. I don't like being depressed. I want to be truly happy. I don't need to show on the outside that I'm happy. I want to feel happy on the inside. But I don't want to do that with medicine or Mel. My life is a mess. That's why I'm depressed. It's just recent events that has made me even more depressed than I was a month ago.

I miss Natalie. I don't hate her. There isn't a word for how I feel. I don't think. It's a combination of feelings sort of. I miss her. I guess I'm mad at her because she does't want to be my friend. I'm sad we're not friends. It's so confusing.

I took 2 Zolof. My perscription is for 1 1/2, but maybe two will be faster and better.

I had my high school scheduling yesterday. I didn't get to take that second S.S. class that I wanted to take. So, I'm stuck with exp. home ec. Yuck! Oh well. I just took it to tkae foods.

I kind of want to be a writer. I think it would be cool.

I hate religion. god is so stupid. I like my theories of deiathieism. It's a mixture of deism and athiesm. Cause I'm sort of both.

Today at lunch Natalie asked me if I ever wondered why everybody hates me. I have. But I haven't come up with an answer. I e-mailed her and in response I asked if she ever wondered why I didn't believe in god. She said she didn't care. One reason I don't believe i god is the cruelty to man. But there are lot of others too.

"A girl's diary is the key to her soul. Read her diary and you've got it." Unfamous quote by me. That's a cool quote. My soul and more is in this diary.

It'sbeen months sice I've been friends with Natalie, yet I'm still sad about it. I wish I could get over her. I probably can't because I won't let go. I have the monkey she gave me for my b-day last year sitting right next to my bed.

More tomorrow.

Flowered Diary- Entry #12

Happy Valentines Day!

I'm starting my diet today. I'm going to run for an hour on the treadmill, and every day, and I'm going to watch everything I eat. I'm tired of being fat and not being able to find any clothes that fit.

Later!

Flowered Diary- Entry #11

Hey! Long time. I am Arvide Abernathy in the school play Guys and Dolls (Jr.).

Just had a French quiz. Boy! Was it easy!

Flowered Diary- Entry #10

Mr. DeGrazy isn't going to list the parts until he sees the grades. I'm dead. In science I have a grade probably in the 70's. I'm sure Math is bad. But I think those are my only two bad subjects. I don't think I failed though. My tests and quizzes are OK.

Christina invited me to a part of hers. I wonder what it's for. I don't think it's her birthday. I hope I can go.

Flowered Diary- Entry #9

I am so happy! I got into the play! Mr. DeGrazy hasn't listed the parts yet. It does't matter (too much) what part I get. I hope it's a good one though. I'm just happy I got in.

Later.

Flowered Diary- Entry #8

I'm dead! I didn't do my Math notebook, my book report, or my English essay. Mrs. Taylor made this big speech on how it MUST be turned in today.

Flowered Diary- Entry #7

I hate my life. I wish I wanted to die. No one knows this about me. No one knows anything about me. I don't have any friends, I'm fat, my grades have dropped, I'm seriously depressed, I have a million blemishes, I'm ugly, and no one knows when I talk, almost no one listens. I hate it. Since I had friends before, just recently, I miss having friends. I don't think anyone at school knows how I really feel about Natalie. I'm not even too sure how I feel, but I have an idea.

Flowered Diary- Entry #6

And when she senses I'm upset with her, I guess, she does't snip at me for the next hour. I have no idea what goes through her head.

I want to ask Adam out, except Brian called it incestuious. Because we're basically "family friends." Gross! I'll just wait a few years, maybe when I'm 16. Until then I'll just show descreet signs.

Flowered Diary- Entry #5

...Like when I asked Dad, not Jane, Dad what he thought of the whole Ellian Gonzalez goig back to Cuba. We both agreed that the governement did the right thing giving him back to his father, in Cuba, and then I added how I couldn't believe they would even think of keeping Ellian from his father, just because the father was in Cuba.

Then Jane, so rudily, interjected her opinion about it. I felt like saying, "Thank you for your opinion, next time I'll ask for it." She is such a bitch. I think she's going through menapause. Boy are her mood swings bad!

Later.

Flowered Diary- Entry #4

Natalie got a new haircut. It's shorter. It's even more ugly. Gross. More Later.

Last night I talked to Austin. It was quite nice. He thinks that Adam and I are going out. Well, that's what I told him. :) He doesn't have to know the truth. He asked me if I still hung out with Natalie. All I said was bitch. Then I explained that I hated her. I do. That wasn't a lie. I do't think I need to list her unbearable qualities again. But let me think of a few more.

She's always staring at something; her mouth is always hung open (to let the flys in I suppose); I can't think of any more but I'll write them as I think of them. Oh yeah! She looks so anorexic! And she was. But I have no idea if she's anorexic now. And from the back, she could pass for a guy. All except her posture and the way she walks. It looks like she has a weggie up her butt. And her hair cut helps her look like a boy. It's fun to make fun of Natalie.

I hate Jane [my step-mom]. She is such a Bitch. She hardly ever speaks to me and when se does, it's rude and snotty. Like...

Flowered Diary- Entry #3

Well, it's lunch again. I'm not eating. Hopefully it'll help my diet. I think Natalie is so ugly! Especially when her hair is down. And she slouches all the time it's so unattractive! Ugh! And her whining! It's so babyish. And I can't stand her voice. And don't even get me started on the way she eats! (Gross! It's as bad as Brian's [my step-dad]! And Brian's is bad!

Flowered Diary- Entry #2

Well, it's lunch time and I'm at school. OK, here's what happened yesterday.

In home ec. I was i a cookig group with Casey, Rachel, and (ewwww) Natalie. Well, today we're going to make chocolate milkshakes. Well, I'm not a bit chocolate milkshake fan. It was 3 to 1 so we made chocolate. Another thig was when I was assigning clean-up, I put me to wipe the counters and Rachel to to sweep, but no! The head cook (me) has to both wipe the counters and sweep. Can't do one or the other.

Well, today was better. She [Natalie] wasn't that rude.

Later.

Flowered Diary- Entry #1

April 8, 1986

I was born April 8, 1986.
Just for the record.
This is the millennium.
The last of the second.
The beginning of the third. Next year is the 21st century. Most people don't know it. Publisher's Clearing House is giving away 21 million instead of 11 million to celebrate the 21st century. Morons! Wait no, I'm wrong. January 1, 2000 Today is the first day of the last year of the century. The first day of the last year of the millennium.

I spent the New Year's with Adam. I was in heaven. He was cute as usual. He acted a little immature at some points, but aren't all guys? Well, actually, I don't know if I would call it immature. He was whining. It was very annoying. His sister was annoying as usual. Well more later.